Tuesday, February 23, 2010
BECOMING THE GPS


Today I had the most fascinating call. It was from someone who was looking to buy air time on a radio station and they called me by mistake. Well, not exactly mistake – but by a very intense process of elimination, as he had tried for three consecutive days to find this station, but every number they tried was disconnected. He was operating on only fragments of information that would hopefully lead on the road back to where he needed to be, to do what he needed to do.

There was indeed a degree of separation. And there was somehow a connection to me and this station that was so hard to ‘track down.’ I had done p.r. for a show which was aired on this station at one time but just like the rest of the businesses in America – everything seems to change hands with new ownership, corporate conglomerate buy outs and such. The station could still be somewhere and together this stranger and I were sleuthing our way to try to find it. And while we couldn’t figure out who actually owns it now (as it changed hands several times), we found what he needed to get to where he needed to go, through the people who could get him to his destination. And he was thankful. To me – this was far better than just saying, ‘wrong number’ and leaving him hanging. But I admired his determination in not giving up when the going got tough. His mission was to do what he needed – because ultimately he was remembered where he came from and wanted to keep the integrity of honoring his roots and locale.



A couple weeks ago, someone I mentored needed some help. She was looking for me to assist with a few pieces of her career puzzle so she could put things together in order to get where she needed to go. Timing was horrible and she was running out of it quickly, as she hit a few obstacles in what she needed to have happen. I stepped in to deliver what I could, hoping she could gather what she needed in time, despite the challenges she faced.

A few days later, she let me know her situation became victorious and she was now on her way. And she was thankful for my help, even letting me know she will keep me posted of what happens as things develop. She was determined to get where she needed to go, and was honoring her passion and dream to get there.

With these two recent events, I became the GPS. I chose to not let others be misguided even if their map took them off course. If somehow they found me along the way even as a temporary detour – it became obvious, I needed to show them the way.

The road in life is not always flat. The river doesn’t always flow straight. And the reality in life is that life doesn’t always go according to plan.

We can get more out of life by participating in life as the guide we need to be when others are in need of help. It is up to us to become the best GPS device we can be to help get others on track, help them stay the course.

We not only become better people, we share our strength with others and hope that along the road or river we travel, as we pay it forward, we can move forward in life also.

http://www.100percentrealwords.blogspot.com
© 2010 Queena Verbosity 100% Real Words
Media Monster Communications, Inc.
Stacey Kumagai
http://hubpages.com/profile/mediamonster http://www.braingasm.com
Friday, February 19, 2010
DEALING WITH THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE


Dealing with death isn’t easy. Whether it’s a relative, a friend, a pet, someone important in your life, loss is something that is just part of life. Here are some ways to help you cope.

• Feel your feelings. There is no time limit on how long it takes someone to grieve. While pain heals with time, the pain doesn’t ever go completely away if you care for someone and they are no longer here. Do NOT delay grief – its okay to cry if you feel like crying. It’s okay to feel loneliness and sadness. The sooner you give yourself permission to feel the loss, the healthier you will become in dealing with it.

• Journal. Do not underestimate the power of journaling. Not only is it healthy to write down your feelings, but this will help you monitor your own grief recovery process. For example – maybe you will see a pattern emerge that you feel sadness at a certain time of the day or are picking up certain bad habits in dealing with the grief or even shutting the rest of the world out in the process. A journal can reveal many things about what you are processing – from shock, denial, heartache, anger (from them leaving), and other abandonment issues. Having a good grasp on what you are experiencing will help you heal. It will also help you see progression of your processing your emotions on a weekly basis.

• Write a letter. Not everyone gets closure when there is a loss. Maybe you lost someone to a disease that rapidly took over, or lost someone in a car accident – if you lost someone suddenly, chances are you need to officially ‘say goodbye.’ Not everyone gets to say goodbye at a funeral or a memorial service the way they need to in order to heal or feel closure. So writing a letter with everything you always wanted to say, will help you release some of those things you’ve bottled up over time.

• Honor their memory. As cheesy as this may seem, because everybody says it – in order to respect the memory of the one you lost, you need to honor the good times you shared while they were here. Not only is this a healthy way to process the grief, but it is also a way to honor the life they had. This will make you realize that you were blessed just to have shared something with this person or pet and you will be able to free yourself from the negative energy and replace it with only the positive and healthy feelings that can help you carry onward.

• Take good care of yourself. During this time, your body is going through a lot of stress. It is important that you do not give up your daily routine – eating breakfast, exercising, getting plenty of fresh air and daylight, get decent sleep, interacting with your friends and family and going to work each day. The more you stick to your normal activities, the more you will be able to stay on track with carrying out the life that you have left. It is something your lost loved one would want you to do.

• Be patient – with yourself and others. Grieving takes time and it is important to allow yourself and others the time to mourn or grieve in their own way. Everybody handles this differently, so don’t judge how others process it. Some people may handle it more privately or do their own rituals to deal with it.

• Don’t hold onto guilt or anger. These are negative emotions and can weigh you down during your mourning process. While it is normal to feel these things, as they are human emotions, holding on tightly to negative feelings won’t help you move forward toward positive ones.

• Do something in honor of your lost loved one. Maybe the person you lost had a favorite charity or maybe they loved nature… whether you go volunteer at their favorite organization or make a donation – or simply plant a tree in your yard in honor of them, doing a gesture like this, helps you celebrate their life and what they stood for. This is a healthy thing to do for yourself and may help others around you who are also grieving; benchmark the person’s memory in a tribute-like way.

• Clean up. Everyone leaves behind a bunch of stuff. Keep in mind –this is all just STUFF, this is not them. Sure it was a part of them, but by donating some of their things to a charity can help you feel as if an extension of their lives is branching out to be of benefit to someone else. This in turn can not only keep their purpose going, but help you heal in the process. You can also recycle some of their things to keep a piece of them around to remember them by. Maybe they had a favorite T-shirt with a certain saying on it. Stuff the T-shirt and sew up the arm and neck holes and the shirt bottom and make a pillow. You can keep this ‘piece of them’ as a throw pillow on your favorite chair. This way every time you sit in the chair you can smile and think of them. It’s a nice way to remember someone. You can do this with a few of their other things and let everyone in the circle of grief have something (like their favorite coffee mug, plant a plant in it, etc.) and each of you will share something that was near and dear to your lost loved one.

• Live your life. This is important to do. And if grieving seems to be overwhelming your life after a certain period of time, consider grief counseling. You are not alone and this is normal. Some people have a harder time dealing with death than others. You may be one of them. Take your journal you’ve been keeping so you can work through the process. And remember that you are here left behind for a reason… to carry on.

http://www.100percentrealwords.blogspot.com
© 2010 Queena Verbosity 100% Real Words
Media Monster Communications, Inc.
Stacey Kumagai
http://hubpages.com/profile/mediamonster http://www.braingasm.com
Saturday, February 13, 2010
TRUSTING THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU


They say, you are what you eat. And year after year, child after child comes out of health education learning about the four food groups, knowing about the food pyramid and the ever-changing servings of each group we are supposed to have. And this was the fun part about health and nutrition. Thinking back to my elementary school years, I remember how important it was to have a 3-2-4-4 day… 3 servings of dairy, 2 servings of meat, 4 servings of fruits and vegetables and 4 servings of grains/bread.

And ever since the TV dinner was invented people started to look at portions because a TV dinner tray actually had portions of food divided in a meal. The problem was that no one questioned the problem of ‘processing’ food, chemicials, preservatives and food byproducts.

In the 60s and 70s, MSG ‘the flavor enhancer’ became a big issue, as did red dye #2 put in many a soda or candy product and in the 80s people became obsessed with sodium reduction and in the 90s it became all about 2%, low-fat and non-fat. In the early 2000s, people started to realize there problems with Olestra and all the sugar-free substitutes came under fire. And in 2008 ‘transfats’ became a household word that people became more conscious of and this was putting a crackdown on fast-food chains serving it up in alarming portions.

Suddenly America was ‘fat’.. morbidly obsese and now more than ever people are dying of prescription medications which were created to solve a myriad of health problems while creating a truckload of others including a laundry list of ‘side effects’ which are actually in combination worse than the problem you were treating in the first place.

And with this came addiction and many-a-death-too-soon from addiction to a cocktail of prescription medication which was designed to combat the effects of all this ‘bad food.'



Then here comes a movie in 2008, which I just recently rented called “Food, Inc.” And I highly recommend this movie if you truly want to start questioning what it is you are eating. I won’t give it all away for those who haven’t seen it – but it will make you start wondering about the things you put in your mouth that you thought were safe because big named companies (trusted brands) were behind them.
The truth is that a lot of these companies are mass-manufacturing companies. So the wonderful healthy, boneless, skinless, lean chicken you thing you are eating, really isn’t all that healthy for you.

We all know about pesticides. We all know about chemicals and fast-food. We all know about junk food and sugars and fats. But do you know about hormones in your food? Do you know about genetically engineered produce? Do you know how ‘controlled’ crops are affecting your life?

If you don’t, you need to see Food, Inc. It will open your eyes
http://www.foodincmovie.com/

I’m not affiliated with any food brand or company or even this movie. I am just a foodie who enjoys food in all forms and has a passion for the culinary arts. I like to buy organic food whenever possible and really love to support local farmers and growers and believe in sustainable food. I am not a vegetarian or vegan. I am a typical American carnivore like most, who occasionally has a pop-culture junkie nostalgic look back at the way food was vs. the way food is now.

Things have changed and continue to change… and not always for the better. Mass-manufactured food made cheaply, rather than healthfully is not. Corn-fed livestock isn’t healthy. And I believe we all have a right to know what is in our food and how it is prepared and believe that food borne illness also needs to stop. It’s appalling to me to see E-Coli and Salmonella still rampant these days. You would think that one death is too many.

While many people stand for many things and support many causes and tragedies, I am questioning WHY that safe, healthy food – the thing we all need to stay alive and in good health, isn’t being fought for in the same numbers.

Perhaps THIS is food for thought.

http://www.100percentrealwords.blogspot.com
© 2010 Queena Verbosity 100% Real Words
Media Monster Communications, Inc.
Stacey Kumagai
http://hubpages.com/profile/mediamonster http://www.braingasm.com
Friday, February 12, 2010
CURSES ARE BLESSINGS - BLESSINGS ARE GIFTS


Curses are blessings. Blessings are gifts.
Lessons are learned, to embrace 'what is.'
For whatever happens, a victim, you're not -
Blessings are present,and you've still got:
Your mind, your body, your health may it be,
Your strength,will and spirit; friends & family.
Your heart, soul, passion, your drive,
Whatever still moves you and keeps you alive.
Feelings, emotion, to touch and to feel,
To hear, to see or to just know what is real.
To taste, to savor, to learn, to grow,
All these gifts are much more than you know.
But above all, faith - to surrender and be
Knowing things will work out and you'll see -
By dropping the pity, what matters is clear,
Conviction alone will help you persevere.
Keep your eyes open,you won't want to miss,
Which curses are blessings,
and that blessings are gifts.

http://www.100percentrealwords.blogspot.com
© 2010 Queena Verbosity 100% Real Words
Media Monster Communications, Inc.
Stacey Kumagai
http://hubpages.com/profile/mediamonster http://www.braingasm.com
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
THE ONLY CHILD - UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILDHOOD PART FOUR


Being an only child rocks! You get everything and you don’t have to share your toys or the spotlight with anyone either. But being the only child can be lonely, make you insecure and feel as if you have to overcompensate for the siblings that are ‘not there.’ You ARE your parents ONLY HOPE. And with this role, you have something in common with a first-born older sibling as much as you do for the often misinterpreted spoiled baby of the family. You will also be the only child responsible for having to deal with aging parents and all their personal business and also be the one to carry the burden of having to become something more than yourself. You also have the burden of not having the exercise of learning how to get along with others because you never had to.

While being independent is great – it’s also a long and lonely road in trying to ‘fit in’ – as all the other people in the world get to talk about their large families, holidays and big outings. You don’t get to have this.

The greatest thing you can do for yourself is to strike a good balance. And you may think this is easier said than done, but the truth is – you have nothing and no one to stand in your way of creating this balance. You also have no one to be compared to or sized up with and have the opportunity to succeed or fail upon your own free will with zero pressure from siblings. This is a good thing. Don’t allow it to become an easy out for ‘easy street living’ and being lazy because you think mommy and daddy will always be there to take care of you. They won’t.

You have the power to utilize your only child position to be unique and independently-minded. You have the potential to do a lot of great things because of this position you have in life. It’s time to stop the pity part of loneliness and start using it to make the world (yours and the rest) a better place.
One may be a lonely number, but you also can strive to be number one in all the things that you do.

http://www.100percentrealwords.blogspot.com
© 2010 Queena Verbosity 100% Real Words
Media Monster Communications, Inc.
Stacey Kumagai
http://hubpages.com/profile/mediamonster http://www.braingasm.com
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
THE OMEGA CHILD - UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILDHOOD PART THREE


Being the baby of the family isn’t always the glamorous position that everyone might think it is. While there are some perks to this position of having the older siblings get in trouble for you because they are responsible, there is sometimes the opposite effect because you are the youngest, therefore blamed for everything.
Since you’re the child bringing up the rear of the family, you may be the family’s last hope for achievement if your other older siblings have ‘failed’ your parents in some way. You also may have it tougher in the discipline department because your parents discovered what mistakes they made with your older siblings because they were too lenient with them.

You are the wearer of the hand-me-down, hand-me-down, hand-me-down…. And your parents may be too tired to do things with you by the time they are done raising all your older siblings so you may not get to do all the activities that your older siblings did. But on the flip-side, you may get to do more because your folks are feeling ‘empty nest’ syndrome and they hang onto you tightly and want to do all the things with you they didn’t have time for with the others.

It’s a very unique position to be in – to be the baby of the family. Most likely you will have to take on quite the load in caring for aging parents also – because your older siblings will be too busy with families of their own.

But there is hope for you. As the observer you can watch all that came before you – including your siblings, your parent’s ever-changing behavior and society. Unless your parents had the kids in your family back-to-back every year- there’s a pretty good bet that there is at least 5 or even up to 10 or more years between you and your oldest sibling. Times change and this can be to your advantage.

Seeing this while growing up gives you leverage in being more adaptable to life, life’s changes and challenges and you have more flexibility in your overall personality and coping nature in daily life. As the world changes, you can readily adapt with it a bit more easily than your older siblings. You have the role of ‘teacher’ – and can teach your nieces, nephews, older siblings and aging parents a thing or two as the world progresses. This is your opportunity to be the educational cohesive component in your family unit. This not only will provide you with essential life skills to handle it better than most, but you have a chance to be more of a humanitarian/good will peacemaker in your family as well.

You can help your family adjust better to life/death situations that will inevitably come up and be the stronger and the wiser for it. Wisdom is priceless.

Ultimately it’s the youngest child who has the opportunity to help the pull all of the family pieces together and help older siblings see the bigger picture.

***** STAY TUNED FOR PART FOUR ***** THE ONLY CHILD

http://www.100percentrealwords.blogspot.com
© 2010 Queena Verbosity 100% Real Words
Media Monster Communications, Inc.
Stacey Kumagai
http://hubpages.com/profile/mediamonster http://www.braingasm.com
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
THE MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME - UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILDHOOD PART TWO




STUCK IN THE MIDDLE. Yes, this is common - the middle child syndrome. This is why "Jan" on the Brady Bunch couldn't deal - Marcia was the popular oldest, Cindy was the baby and coddled. This may have been TV, but it is more real-to-life than most people understand, however, each 'position' (oldest, middle, younger, even only children) all have their issues - feeling pressures that others don't feel.

Middle children have a different way of exercising their need to be heard, seen, understood and related to. Whether YOU are this middle child or whether your spouse is, or maybe you are trying to help your own son/daughter being the middle child – whatever the case, there is a way.

Your older and younger siblings have their issues, too. The older one has to be the leader, lead by example.... and best not fail, or otherwise shows as a poor example to you and your younger sibling. Your younger sibling as to deal with your parents freaking out over 'empty nest syndrome' - and will most likely is the one to have to care for them when they age. Everyone has pressures.

What YOU need to do is understand that you are special no matter what. While it is hard to ignore how the family breakdown occurs because of birth positioning.... USE YOUR MIDDLE CHILD POSITION as a way to understand the family better than anyone else. This doesn’t mean you need to be forced into feeling like the glue, but in essence YOU ARE... you are the force that binds the family together. And while that may seem like an uncelebrated position, or seem like one that doesn't get the perks, YOU my friend are positioned to handle life as a survivor.

When the s**t hits the fan, who is going to be the one who survives? YOU! When life gets difficult and challenging, you're going to be the one to adapt well, understand the dynamics of your own family that you have when you are married and have kids. YOU will be one to examine a situation at work better because you understand the behavior of others well and know how to work in a challenging situation.

And you will work harder and strive to be more of an achiever (thus very successful) in life, because you are striving for your own light to shine - something you've had to do since you were a little kid.

Take a deep breath. Take a step back. And as you look at your siblings.... know they may seem to have it easy now, but when you get older, you will have it a lot easier, because in the real world, life outside your family's door - not everyone gets what they want and things are not handed to people just because they want it or need it - they have to work hard it. And this may be a scenario your siblings may have problems adjusting to because they were not conditioned to this kind of flexibility now.

***** STAY TUNED FOR PART THREE ***** THE OMEGA CHILD

http://www.100percentrealwords.blogspot.com
© 2010 Queena Verbosity 100% Real Words
Media Monster Communications, Inc.
Stacey Kumagai
http://hubpages.com/profile/mediamonster http://www.braingasm.com
Monday, February 1, 2010
THE FIRST BORN PERFECTIONIST - UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILDHOOD PART ONE

Are you the first-born child? Congratulations. You have all the glory and a heck of a lot of responsibility. If you are the first born child, chances are you are the child your parents made all their mistakes with – so you have a lot of scars. From good ol’ dad walking with you on his shoulders not realizing that this added height has consequences of many knocks to the head (oops), to finding out that not all the cabinets in the house are baby-proofed… you have survived all this!

You are also the one that all the fundamental errors were made with as well. To top all this off – you also may have the responsibility over looking over your younger siblings, being the first one out of the house and also being the ‘example’ for your other siblings to follow. You may also be the first one responsible for going off to college or going out into the work world or maybe even responsible for financially helping your folks out to raise the rest of the kids. Such pressure!

But don’t despair – you have an opportunity to shine without having to be the super star.

First, take the pressure off of yourself. Just because you are the first born doesn’t mean you are expected to ‘do it all’ and ‘be all.’ If you think THIS – then you will certainly turn out to be the unhappy perfectionist.

And if you are a perfectionist…This is why you are not happy. And this is normal. Over-achievers are just that... they want to over achieve.

Thus... if you got a 92% on a test, you are not happy because you really wanted 100% and think of yourself as failing somehow, EVEN THOUGH YOU DID NOT.

You have to realize, that perfectionists always perform or desire to perform at an A++ level. The average person who has a healthy perspective is 'okay' or 'satisfied' and content, as well as accepting of anything over a C+.

Even when you are performing at what YOU think is a C level at any given time, it is always an A level to most people.

The 'acceptance' part of your over-achieving personality is your life lesson and what needs the work.

You have to also be thankful for the gifts that you have.86% is great and wonderful!!!! You have to learn that happiness is about acceptance. Accept who you are at any level of performance. This is the secret to real success.

Later on in life, this will become more vital... particularly in team situations, where each person will need to be a team player and carry equal parts of the load on a work project or whatever.... you will have to learn at that point that you have to come to a point of 'doing the very best you can' and knowing you carried your share of the work and being content with 'how you showed up' and how you contributed and what the end result was with YOUR performance, regardless of anything else.

Critiques/criticism…. Whether it’s from a boss, a teacher, even a loved one - it only makes you stronger, gives you room for growth and evolvement/development as a person, but also gives you insight to how you accept and receive criticism and praise.

Don’t make the mistake of declining your birth role either. You do not have to make yourself invisible for the pressure to be off of you, either. Don’t make the mistake of being an under-achiever, just to get all eyes to be off of you. You can take on a supporting role as much as you can take on the role of a leader. And the sooner you learn this, the better off you will be.

The only ‘pressure’ is one that you enable and allow others to put on you. You have to accept yourself as you are – and know that as long as you show up in life and do your best – this IS INDEED GOOD ENOUGH. It doesn’t have to be A++++ and blue ribbon 24/7. Such behavior can only lead to disappointment later in life and a horrible midlife crisis.

So enjoy your role as the first born and instead be a system of support to your younger siblings and a support system to your parents. This alone is of great value without having to be all things. Support and love go a long way and the more you exercise this on yourself, to put give yourself the place of strength, the easier it will be, to be the first born. The only real pressure is the one you place on yourself. So let that go and you will be free to be the best that you can be as you are without the added laundry list of things that come with being first born.

***** STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO ***** MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME

http://www.100percentrealwords.blogspot.com
© 2010 Queena Verbosity 100% Real Words
Media Monster Communications, Inc.
Stacey Kumagai
http://hubpages.com/profile/mediamonster http://www.braingasm.com
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